Change Your Beliefs
If identifying your core belief is difficult, changing it is even more challenging. Core beliefs are rigid and static. They resist change and do so by constantly seeking out examples that strengthen their view. Imagine that a core belief is a round hole. The round hole only accepts round pegs. If your core belief is that people don’t like you, it will misinterpret and accept the time someone stared at you or the time that you thought someone was laughing at you. It will not accept square pegs. Square pegs would be when people compliment you or smile in your direction. Your core belief will reject these by finding irrational explanations to dismiss them as if they never even happened.
Changing your beliefs takes awareness, patience and consistency. Here’s how:
- Detect. This means building awareness of what your core beliefs are and how they impact your life. Monitor times where the actions of others trigger an emotional response in you. Develop a cause and effect understanding. For example, a stranger stared at me and this made me feel self-conscious.
- Debate. This step is the most crucial. Before beginning, you must understand that your depression wants you to be more depressed. Here, you must work to objectively reflect on the situation to see if the cause and effect from above makes sense. Does someone staring at me mean they don’t like me? What are other possible explanations? Maybe they liked your shirt or thought you looked familiar. Maybe they were looking behind you. Maybe they were just staring into space because they were distracted. Use your rational mind to offer counter arguments.
- Decide. Using the information from the debate, make a decision about the situation while considering your goal. Is your goal to find your “truth” or to be happy? Many times people believe “I feel it so it must be true.” In reality, your truth is only your perception of the situation. Your truth will not match the truth of the other person. Choosing happiness means that you decide to believe the explanation that ignores depression and negative core beliefs.
These steps signify a reaction to situational circumstances. To be more active and preventative in your work to change core beliefs, build a new core belief. This approach involves creating a motto that you can repeat to yourself. Like a core belief, your mantra should be short, concrete and represent how you want to see yourself. Saying “I am a good, worthwhile person” will reduce contrary core beliefs. Repetition will help ensure that this motto becomes a part of your life.
Your mantra will be more beneficial if it pushes your comfort zone an appropriate amount without being overly unbelievable. Saying “I’m the greatest person that ever lived” fits into the unbelievable category. Avoid using qualifiers in your motto like 'sometimes', 'often', 'usually', 'sort of' and 'kind of' because these diminish the positive impact your new core belief will yield.
Conclusion
Everyone has an inner critic. Changing it is not quite as easy as brushing a well-dressed little man off your shoulder, but change is possible. You do not have to be stuck with a core belief that negatively impacts your life. Understanding, identifying and working to change or replace your core belief is possible. Follow the steps above to pull the weed out by the root and plant a blossoming flower in its place.
