Coping with Loss from Suicide
- Re-adjusting to the loss. This stage is a turning point as it is marked by adaptation to life without the loved one. There will be missing and yearning to see or hear from the loved once again. Anniversaries, birthdays, holidays and the passing of time will trigger these feelings. Throughout, this stage you will find new roles and responsibilities. Making the conscious choice to adapt will help you move during this period.
- Re-investing emotional energy. Since the suicide, you have been using your energy to feel sad, angry and guilty. This phase involves using that energy in new, productive ways. You will feel hope and growth as this period provides a sense of healing and movement forward. Consider being a suicide advocate, volunteering your time to others or other charity work related or unrelated to suicide. By advocating, you can help work towards better prevention and aftercare.
- Reconciling the loss. The goal of grief and loss is not to forget the loved one or the suicide itself. Rather, the goal is to find the ability to remember the loss with less pain attached. This is finding acceptance and seeing that new opportunities still exist following the loss. Reconciling means finding new directions.
Due to the extreme circumstances of suicide, grief and mourning are typically delayed or prolonged. In delayed grief, the period of shock and denial lasts for a longer duration so that you may not begin the process for months or longer after the loss. In prolonged grief, you will stay at each stage for a longer than average period. Many people can resolve and reconcile the loss within two years following the death but those numbers increase drastically following suicide. Again, changing expectations is helpful because it removes pressures to feel or behave certain ways.
Here are some of the best ways to move through the loss process:
- Express your feelings/ Tell others what you need
- Talk about the details
- Be alone when you need to and with others when you need to
- Identify your supports
- Avoid major life changes
Conclusion
Depression is vicious. Anything that can make suicide seem like the best alternative must be taken seriously through prevention. Knowing the warning signs and seeking the best treatment available will help provide safety and reestablish hope. Even if the suicide is completed, hope is still required. The survivors need hope to move them through the process of the loss. Without hope, reconciliation cannot be had. Without reconciling the loss, you will be destined to experience the same sadness and anger. Keep hope and it will move you through.
